The Torments Of A Fulfilled Life

There are many things I long for but there are far more greater things I don’t want. Surprisingly, I guess the rocky foundations of life are steeped deep in an abyss of reverse psychology. We always keep getting things we don’t want . For example, If you assert you don’t want to lose your hair, you can be pretty sure that within 3 months you're gonna need a lot less shampoo. I know you're not asking to be fucking Goldilocks but you sure don’t want to be the "22 year old bald guy" either. Similarly, I really do not want a fulfilled life. It’s a stage where you have achieved everything you have ever dreamt of. It’s also the stage where your dreams die. It’s the time when the demons you fought are no more, so you turn on to your comrades in arms who aided you in every battle of your life. You begin by quashing hope. You commend that by plundering ambition, burning down inquisitiveness.

All that keeps you company then is the hajmola like sourness of recalling all your past follies. Hajmola tastes shitty but that doesn't stop you from consuming a dozen. Dwelling on your past mistakes is very much like sleeping with your ex. Its tempting, wrong and definitely regrettable. There is no fucking way you're going to sleep with her and forget about it the next morning. She revives your old demons but with hope lying in the dump, there is not much of a chance you're gonna make it.

Remembering your past mistakes reminds you of all that you lost in order to win every war within yourself. It renews old fears, agonies and brings along a shitload of misery. We all are educated to chase this predicament. Taught to find our way to the center of this maze. Thus we fight our way to the center. Most of us luckily never make it. But the unfortunate few that do realize pretty darn late that the center is a very lonely place. That they were better off fighting rather than be in a place where you have nowhere else to go. They are engulfed in a hollow despair of triumph. Winning is highly overrated. So is losing. The grass is always more greener than the other side. Its always is better to walk on the fence. That way you keep falling on either sides. Do so leaving some tussles for later. When you have no other shit at hand, you can pull these parasites out of reserve. Good luck with that because, There's always an asshole around the corner ready to give you a hard time.

I can't help flinching from the idea of a perfect life, perfect world and any other such fantasies. There are many things that can be perfect but life is definitely not one of them. The fulfilled life is an end to your problems, a beginning to your torment.