The Beggar, Bum and your Best friend

If hangovers lasted a year, We all would be teetotalers. Unfortunately they don’t. So the teetotaling vow, after last night, does not last beyond the cocktail lunch. If ingratitude lasted for a lifetime, we all would be ignorantly blissful. Unfortunately it doesn't , so the last person's ingratitude , doesn't stop you from falling a sucker to the next person's crisis. Most of our fellow humans are afflicted with the fatal indisposition of moronity. Its like we thrive on repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I speak about wading back into the same gutter of selflessness over and over again after being bitten, trodden on, nearly drowning in the filth of compassion. Ever tried giving that poor beggar kid some food? Patching up your best friend's love life? Help that old lady carry her grocery bag? It’s a thankless effort. And more often than not, you usually get spit in your face or kicked in the balls. The beggar kid will usually sell your vada pav back to the vendor to buy his daily crack shot, Your best friend will get back with that girl's sister and accuse you of trying to take her side and quote you "undependable". That old hag will claim you stole 2 bars of her mysore sandal soaps & a pack of ladies razors. These assholes know there is always another sucker like you round the corner . Unfortunately you don’t stop even after taking such flak.

I don’t really blame you. Selfless acts are deceptive fucks. They seem like a sure thing. A ticket to redemption. When selfishness becomes your way of life, You tend to search for opportunities to be selfless because its forbidden by your life's code of conduct. It stokes your rebellious urge. We have always heard selfless acts are always rewarded. The whole thing is a sham. We start seeking this unknown reward with absolutely no idea about whether you are going to like what you get. Its like playing destiny's version of Surprise Shanivaar on one of the regional channels. I have always hated surprises. It undermines your ability to respond. The rewards for selfless acts are usually like the offers at big bazaar. Like a bag of cookies worth Rs.30 is now going at 28.50. They do give you cheap thrills. You somehow think that doing one selfless act you can undo all the nasty things you thought you did and yet you always come out more shittier than you did going in.

You tend to feel this way because you enter into this swamp of selflessness draped in a clean fabric of guilt and a few minutes in you realize you wore the wrong dress for this show. Because once you get into someone's problems it gets too unpleasant in no time. And if you dont get out in the right time you will be injected with that person's frustration, helplessness and misery. Its your own guilt that drives you to charitable acts. You could be guilty about anything. You could be guilty about your deeds in the past, you could be guilty about your position in society, you could be guilty just about being so lucky in life. Its all like a symbol of non-acceptance. You may not be able to accept what you did in the past, you may not be able to accept the position society has given to a person like you, you may not be able to accept why destiny chooses to smile on you while it continues to frown upon your brethren. You often might think I should help that bum in torn ,dirty, smelly clothes because I could have been in his place or worse yet I might end up there. Here you're just not accepting who you are or who you want to be. Guilt and compassion have been sleeping together since time immemorial. It’s their bastard child that has led to many a great falls. But lets spare the history lesson.

I don’t hold anything against helping someone out. The entire problem is do these people really want to be helped? Because most people are quite addicted to their misery. The just don’t want to let go. Be it the beggar kid, the bum, or your best friend. No comments about the old lady, she just wanted some excitement and a story to tell to her satsang group. The people you see everyday with problems don’t really want help, they want your ears, time and sympathy. No problem with that too. If only you don’t become the object of their frustration. They start associating you with all the bags of emotional shit they have dumped on you and you know what, after a while it starts getting heavy.

You cannot help a person without leaving a mark upon yourself. It could be a brand of pride, or a scar of satisfaction. If you really do feel like helping someone. Help yourself.