7 Point Happy City Programme

This city is littered with the carcasses of unfulfilled relationships. It has been my experience as a resident for five years in this fine city, that most people are unhappy with each other. It seems to me that they are merely together to prove it to themselves that they did not make a mistake in choosing such and such a person. It’s an ego thing. No it’s not just the guys who are guilty of this charge, I have also peeked into some members of the fairer sex who take immense delight the minute the other person fucks up.

I am tired of having my date talk to me about her boyfriend and how she’s on a break with him for a month. I have a problem understanding this break concept. It’s either you’re on with some one or your plainly not but obviously I am in error. Is it like I’ll just check if I am still dateable or have I grown too fat for someone else or do people still find me attractive. If they don’t we can just go ahead and settle down. I guess it’s a shot at something better. Or someone better. Also I am plain frustrated with the boys night out becoming a discussion of someone’s tattered love life. I honestly believe most people deserve each other. The paradox is the longer you stay with someone, the harder it is to tell them the truth and so on.

The way I look at it, it seemed like a monstrous whirlpool. I have given the matter some looking into and realized the entire process works something like this:-

You meet a wonderful person and both of you perfectly compliment each other in every
way. You’re sure this is the person your going to ride off into the sunset with.

Portray that this person is the love of your life to all friends and family. Build up that romantic Shahrukh Khan Karan johar feeling. I love you You love me, we are happy family.

A few months elapse, Yup she’s getting fatter and he’s becoming an egoistic prick.

You just can’t take it anymore but you can’t get out as well considering you were so hasty to plan your whole life with them in the first 2 weeks you met. So you do what Chaddha aunty does. Find faults with that person continually and be generally unhappy about life. Crib. Yes that’s a good thing. And also while we’re on the subject, now’s a good time to reflect all their faults right back at them. If they’re a mite too loud in public, you be like Rakhi Sawant at Mika’s party. If they cook bad, you start to think of a way to burn water and rot like that.

Now that you’ve got your partner worried and irritated answer all their questions in monosyllables. Like “How was work?” and you say “Hmm” or “Did you like the new dish I made for you?” you say “Hmmm”. Now there will come a time when the partner will stand up and hold your elbow gently and look into your eyes and ask what the matter is? For easy quitters here’s an exit point. Don’t reply get out of the house, go to the cops and book your partner for assault and battery. No? Not working for you? Well let’s proceed then. Oh yes while on and about utilizing this method also be horrendously obnoxious about their presence.

Now number 6 says Do your best to show all your cronies what a suffering life you have. Crib just enough to get them started on your partner. Then defend your partner righteously. (You see I don’t know why this is done particularly but it’s deemed important. Probably so your friends can tell you later,”Oh he was a prick anyway.” or one of my favorites,”Nice to have you back buddy.”)

Now if this isn’t enough to get your partner cheating on you or dumping you altogether then just go for the unconventional method to get rid of them. Although it’s not in popular use but it is said to have great remedial qualities. Sit down with your partner and tell them that it’s just not working out. Yup. It’s that simple.


So in my view, I genuinely believe choose whatever method you prefer, but make your choice in the interest of a happier city, a happier world.